It has been difficult for me to write about chapter 3 in
The Creative Call since it has forced me to confront some unpleasant emotions.
There is a lot going on in this chapter. For me the main focus is that we must awaken, or re-awaken, the talents given to us as creatives, and according to the author, to do this we need to overcome the fear of being “good enough”. Elsheimer is right on the money when she writes “...it is not our place to decide for ourselves whether we are ‘good enough’ to glorify God with our talents” (Kindle loc. 718), and that it is false humility when we “assume that we know best what to do with our gifts: to bury them and avoid public humiliation.” (Kindle loc. 720).
That attitude pretty much describes me. However, not only do I ask “am I good enough?”, I also find myself asking “do they like my work?” Take for example, this series. A couple of weeks ago I was jazzed to start this program, and I was seemingly fearless about putting on display a very private part of my life: my spirituality. The first couple of posts got the usual number of hits. Yet for the last post, only two people visited. To be fair, it could be that I announced the last post on a Friday and maybe by the time my online readers came back from the weekend, my announcement was buried and they never saw it.
Or, maybe my readers are busy and my posts are too long.
Or, it could be the writing and art in this series have made some of my readers uncomfortable because this writing and art are so unlike what I usually create. Maybe they don’t like what I have to say.
For the sake of argument, let’s say it is the latter reason. Then you might say, “these are social-networking friends most of whom you have never met in your life. They just don’t know you and your creative work very well. I bet your non-virtual friends like your work and are supportive of you, yes?”
Uh, well, no, most are not. Here’s some things real-life friends have expressed total disinterest in my work or have even said that my work is strange. I appreciate their honesty, but I would expect a little more tact and kindness from my friends. These are the sort of remarks I expect to receive from anonymous strangers. The worst, though, is the complete and utter silence from some of my friends when I do share myself. Silence can be the harshest form of criticism.
I am not writing this because I am fishing for compliments.
No! Don’t write anything supportive if you don’t mean it. The reason I am saying this is so I can make myself even more vulnerable. I know that sounds strange and masochistic, but only by making myself completely vulnerable can I overcome the fears and insecurities that come from my wanting my work to “be liked”.
Elsheimer, though, provides some of the best advice I have ever encountered. “It is not for us to question how God will use our gifts....What is important is that we accept the talents God gave us, develop them, honor them, use them, and not bury them.” (Kindle loc. 751-753).”
I have awakened to the fact that I must get over needing affirmation from others. My job is only to do the creative work and to get myself out of the way. It doesn’t matter what others think or say or don’t say. It does not matter how many hits I get or how big an audience I have. I just need to get the work done. Because I am fulfilling the tasks assigned to me, then all I need to do is trust that everything required for me to accomplish my creative tasks will be provided.
One of the exercises in this chapter is to complete this directive: “Make a list of what you need to begin practicing your art.” Here are the things I ask for:
- Focus and discipline to write or make meaningful art on a regular basis
- Ideas to write and art about
- And most importantly: a true creative mentor, in real life, who totally understands where I am coming from as a creative and who can selflessly and without ulterior motive give me the guidance and support that I need.
And then I must trust that God will provide.
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"Ripped Open", a digital construction.
This is the scripture verse that prefaces chapter 3. This command was part of a list of directives that Moses gave the Israelites in order for them to build the tabernacle in the desert. This verse affirms that God gives us creative tasks to do and the talents to achieve them. This week, I have been feeling a lot of resentment and discouragement because I have been craving and not receiving my ego-boosting needs. My original plan was to create an image demonstrating the weaving of the tabernacle curtains (Exodus 26); however, I was dealing with so much emotional stuff this week, the image turned into dark and somber fabric, representing my feelings, being torn open to reveal divine light.
ljgloyd © 2012
Detail: "Sophia"
