The Creative Call: Time Out for Me

The next chapter is on time management. It is pretty straightforward, and I have nothing to say other than I do waste a lot of time when I should be arting and writing.

I finished a painting earlier this week (see previous post), and then I ran out of steam. Furthermore, I haven't been journaling at all this week. I tried to do what the author encourages -- to sit down and write even when you don't have anything to say. I did that last night and wrote about a paragraph and then doodled on the page. I guess doodling is good. I recall reading somewhere that doodling is the mind working things out right before some wonderful creation is manifested. Let's hope. I would hate to think that this program was for nothing.

So let this blog post serve as my journaling practice for today. My hope is to read the final chapter of the book this week and finish it before Easter. That was my original goal, to read the book for Lent, and I think I might just accomplish that.

Painting: Sophia

Detail: "Sophia"

Mixed Media Painting, 18" x 24"

This is a detail from the first painting I have completed in quite sometimes (years, I think). This was done using Caran d'ache watercolor crayons, water soluble oil pastels, acrylic paints, watercolor pencils, gessos and ink pens. I used no model for the woman, just various photographic references.

ljgloyd (c) 2012

The Creative Call: Being Servants

Chapter 6 deals with the "meat and potatoes" of the creative's life. It is about productivity. The advice given there is not new: silence the critic, stop procrastinating, get over being afraid of failure (or success), create an environment conducive to your work. However, what is different here is the notion of being a "servant of the work". As servants of the work we need to get off our duffs and get to work, even if this means that we must schedule an appointment with ourselves to do so. The author points out that the Spirit requires us bring into existence the inspiration given to us. Even if we don't feel like working, or don't feel as if we have an idea to bring to life, we need to sit down and write or make art or whatever. Get working and everything will fall into place. We need to make our creative practice a top priority instead of something we do when we finish other things.

I found this to be true for myself this week. A number days ago I had the vaguest suggestion of an idea. I put it off for a few days until I forced myself to pull out a large piece of paper and prime it. The primed paper then sat on my studio table for several more days. Yesterday, I decided I needed to schedule the time to start the painting. I made the appointment for 8:00 last night. It is at the end of the day not because I did not think it was important. It is at the end of the day so I could start working and not have to stop myself to do something else. I could go as long as I needed.

I started with this sketch:



And then blocked out the major color areas. I worked for about two hours until I came to a convenient stopping place.



The image is now sitting up on my studio table. I have scheduled this evening again, at 8:00 to continue laying on the color and start on the detail work. I'll post the finished painting when I feel I have reached the end.


ljgloyd (c) 2010

Sapientia

"Sapientia, or Wisdom"

Photo manipulation

ljgloyd (c) 2012

Photo courtesy of Morguefile.com

The Creative Call: Inspiration

Getting inspired to create artistic products is the theme of chapter 5. The chapter explores the source of inspiration -- the Holy Spirit-- and how to access that inspiration: through giving up ourselves as the source of our own inspiration and relying upon the Spirit, through prayer, to achieve it. Sometime our creative blocks come from our trying too hard. Sometimes we just have to be patient and wait. And if we are open to what the Spirit has to offer, it will come.

Waiting for inspiration does not mean we sit around and take no action. We need to be attentive to the world and people around us. The Spirit will work through our experiences to bring us ideas and motivate us to act upon them. We need to do our "breathing exercises" as Elsheimer urges. We need to spend time out and about on a regular basis to "prime the pump." This would include not only getting out and experiencing the world, but also studying what other creatives have done that we would like to emulate. If you paint, study the great masters. If you write, study your favorite writer.

Also, we need to start thinking of ourselves as writers or artists or chefs or bellydancers... whatever mode our creative expression takes. When we do this, our eyes will open and we will start stumbling across the ideas the Spirit tosses in front of us.

Finally, the author makes the practical suggestion of carrying around a notebook or sketchbook to capture those observations or ideas as they occur or record those inspirational dreams that may wake us up. I leave you with this example: I have been thinking about one of my creative mentors, Hildegard von Bingen, a medieval woman who was an artist, theologian, musical composer, medicinal healer, and adviser to many powerful people in her world. I thought of a painting I might do of her and I put down this quick thumbnail to capture what flashed in my mind's eye. I may not act on this, but at least the seed of the idea is down on paper and on the way to fruition.

The Creative Call: On Forgiveness, Part 2 (Encouragers)

Part of letting go of the discouragement caused by others is to embrace the sources of our encouragement. Chapter 4 moves on to a discussion of how to recognize and value those individuals, or "heroes" as Elsheimer calls them. So, in response to an exercise in this chapter, I am listing some (not all) of those individuals who have been "encouraging voices" to me.

• Mrs. F., my 11th grade high school composition teacher, who was the first teacher who ever let us write on any topic we wanted. Yes, she taught us proper essay structures so we could write passable college papers, and she had readers who assisted her is correcting spelling and grammar, but aside from that, she was truly excited to read our essays. It was my first experience writing for a "responsive audience."
• My friend C.D. who gave me a t-shirt with the words emblazoned across my chest: "Be nice to me or you'll be a character in my next novel." With that simple gift, she affirmed my identity as a writer.
• Several of my closest relatives and friends who made space in their home for me to paint or who always have supportive things to say about my artwork.
• Mrs. W. from church who has tells me frequently "You are so talented!"
• Dr. T, one of my undergraduate history professors, who kicked my writing-butt during my senior year. He was not a cheerleader like the others, yet, I ended up with an A research paper for that course that later became the basis for my master's thesis.
• And then there is Heather and all the good folks at the Soul Food Cafe where, for over five years, we worked together to nourish each others' creative souls. Several of these people continue to be supportive as Facebook Friends.

If you will recall, a couple of posts ago, I stated that I would like some sort of creative mentor to help me in my growth as a writer and artist. Quite synchronicitously, I received an answer to that request. Last night I was watching a video-- totally unrelated to anything we are discussing here -- and the main speaker in this video presentation made the comment: "Mentors don't need to be living people." This line wafted straight out of the screen and hung in the middle of the ether in front of me with a giant pulsing neon finger pointing to it with my name attached. Don't you love it when you receive communications like that? I do.

So, who are some of these non-living people who have "mentored" me through their writing and art?

Charlotte Bronte
Hildegard von Bingen
Mary Cassatt
Madeleine L'Engle
Georgia O'Keefe
Frida Kahlo
Anne McCaffrey
Marion Zimmer Bradley

I am indebted to all of you!

The Creative Call: On Forgiveness

I am quickly moving on to Chapter 4 now on the topic of forgiveness. I could stay in chapter 3 longer as there are a number of exercises that I could do, but the chapter has left me in such a negative frame of mind, I need to get out of there, pronto. Instead, I think I am going move right into chapter 4 and write on it for of several days since I believe that a thorough understanding of this area is going to be vital in my recovery as a creative. It is not going to be easy for me to simply say, "yeah, some of you in my life are been pretty discouraging, but that's okay, I forgive you." No, I am going to have to carefully explore the nature of forgiveness in order to implement it.

The first thing Elsheimer addresses in this chapter is the exact definition of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not saying that the hurt we received was not really all that bad or that the person who did it may not have meant it. Forgiveness is realizing that no matter the reason or circumstances the fact is that others hurt us and that we need to let it go. Elsheimer writes this: "[Forgiveness] is the willingness to move past the offense and to refuse to entertain further thoughts about it. Forgiveness is not just something we grant another person. It is a gift we give ourselves." (Kindle Loc. 914).

So to the individuals who made the statements and actions I cited in the last post, I am letting those go and I am going to strive not to dwell on them any more. You are free, as am I.

Now, I don't harbor any illusions that I won't go back to those hurts. Forgiveness, for me, is going to be a process. I need to forgive, forgive, and forgive again. That may be the reason that in the Lord's Prayer his instruction to "forgive those who trespass against us" is coupled with the request to "give us this day our daily bread." Forgiveness is something we must grant on a daily basis.

Part of the process of forgiveness is to offer positive affirmation to ourselves (and others) when they hit us with negative thoughts. This is an exercise offered in this chapter. The directive is to provide an 'uppity" comeback for a number of discouraging remarks. Here's how I answered the remarks in the exercise (Kindle Loc. 960):

"Downer statement: 'Nobody will take your art seriously.'"
My answer: God and I both take my creative work seriously.

"Downer statement: 'You'll never make a living at your art.;"
My answer: Then I will pay my bills doing something else, but I am still going to make art and write whether I enjoy financial gain or not.

"Downer statement: 'You don't have enough talent to write or be an artist.'"
My answer: Says who? You? You did not create me; therefore, you have no say so about the amount or level of my talent.

So, that's a start. There are several other exercises in this chapter that I will complete in the upcoming days. If appropriate, I'll post them here.

My thanks to those who are following along with this.

The Creative Call: Awakening

It has been difficult for me to write about chapter 3 in The Creative Call since it has forced me to confront some unpleasant emotions.

There is a lot going on in this chapter. For me the main focus is that we must awaken, or re-awaken, the talents given to us as creatives, and according to the author, to do this we need to overcome the fear of being “good enough”. Elsheimer is right on the money when she writes “...it is not our place to decide for ourselves whether we are ‘good enough’ to glorify God with our talents” (Kindle loc. 718), and that it is false humility when we “assume that we know best what to do with our gifts: to bury them and avoid public humiliation.” (Kindle loc. 720).

That attitude pretty much describes me. However, not only do I ask “am I good enough?”, I also find myself asking “do they like my work?” Take for example, this series. A couple of weeks ago I was jazzed to start this program, and I was seemingly fearless about putting on display a very private part of my life: my spirituality. The first couple of posts got the usual number of hits. Yet for the last post, only two people visited. To be fair, it could be that I announced the last post on a Friday and maybe by the time my online readers came back from the weekend, my announcement was buried and they never saw it.

Or, maybe my readers are busy and my posts are too long.

Or, it could be the writing and art in this series have made some of my readers uncomfortable because this writing and art are so unlike what I usually create. Maybe they don’t like what I have to say.

For the sake of argument, let’s say it is the latter reason. Then you might say, “these are social-networking friends most of whom you have never met in your life. They just don’t know you and your creative work very well. I bet your non-virtual friends like your work and are supportive of you, yes?”

Uh, well, no, most are not. Here’s some things real-life friends have expressed total disinterest in my work or have even said that my work is strange. I appreciate their honesty, but I would expect a little more tact and kindness from my friends. These are the sort of remarks I expect to receive from anonymous strangers. The worst, though, is the complete and utter silence from some of my friends when I do share myself. Silence can be the harshest form of criticism.

I am not writing this because I am fishing for compliments. No! Don’t write anything supportive if you don’t mean it. The reason I am saying this is so I can make myself even more vulnerable. I know that sounds strange and masochistic, but only by making myself completely vulnerable can I overcome the fears and insecurities that come from my wanting my work to “be liked”.

Elsheimer, though, provides some of the best advice I have ever encountered. “It is not for us to question how God will use our gifts....What is important is that we accept the talents God gave us, develop them, honor them, use them, and not bury them.” (Kindle loc. 751-753).”

I have awakened to the fact that I must get over needing affirmation from others. My job is only to do the creative work and to get myself out of the way. It doesn’t matter what others think or say or don’t say. It does not matter how many hits I get or how big an audience I have. I just need to get the work done. Because I am fulfilling the tasks assigned to me, then all I need to do is trust that everything required for me to accomplish my creative tasks will be provided.

One of the exercises in this chapter is to complete this directive: “Make a list of what you need to begin practicing your art.” Here are the things I ask for:

• Focus and discipline to write or make meaningful art on a regular basis
• Ideas to write and art about
• And most importantly: a true creative mentor, in real life, who totally understands where I am coming from as a creative and who can selflessly and without ulterior motive give me the guidance and support that I need.

And then I must trust that God will provide.
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"Ripped Open", a digital construction.

All who are skilled among you are to come and make everything the LORD has commanded. Exodus 35:10

This is the scripture verse that prefaces chapter 3. This command was part of a list of directives that Moses gave the Israelites in order for them to build the tabernacle in the desert. This verse affirms that God gives us creative tasks to do and the talents to achieve them. This week, I have been feeling a lot of resentment and discouragement because I have been craving and not receiving my ego-boosting needs. My original plan was to create an image demonstrating the weaving of the tabernacle curtains (Exodus 26); however, I was dealing with so much emotional stuff this week, the image turned into dark and somber fabric, representing my feelings, being torn open to reveal divine light.

ljgloyd © 2012

The Creative Call: Listening

I have been working through the second chapter of The Creative Call. At the heart of this chapter is the theme of learning to listen to the Spirit and the assurance that the Spirit listens to us. One way, according to the author, that we may listen to God is through the reading of the scriptures and, conversely, the primary way God listens to us is through prayer. The main thing I learned from this chapter is that it is not only right, but essential to ask God how He wants us to exercise our creative gifts and to ask for the means by which to do that. I need to learn to listen for the answers.

The main thrust of this chapter is the emphasis on daily journalling. This is how we as creatives can actually dialogue with the God. The issues that cause our creative blocks can be dealt with in the pages of our journals, and insights and ideas for our creative work can come through the pages of our journals as well. Our prayers can be written if we so choose and the responses may come through our own writing. It is imperative, the author asserts, to journal at least twenty minutes every day, first thing in the morning if possible.

I don't want to go too much into prayer and journalling here. The author covers all of this very well in the chapter. I want to share today my own observations about communicating with the Spirit in a way that diverges a bit from what the author presents. I think another way that the Spirit communicates with us is through dreams. Every time I start one of these creativity programs, I start having bizarre dreams. This time is no different.

I recall two powerful dreams this week. I'm not going to share too many details about my dreams. I am sure the symbolic language in the dreams would have meaning only to me anyway. Let me just say that the messages that came to me in both of these dreams is this: I spend more time taking care of others than taking care of my own well-being, and that I feel excluded from the mainstream creative community. However, that being said, I am still being taught many things by the Spirit that I would not be able to learn from anyone or anywhere else.

There is one thing I do want to share in hopes that someone can give me some insight. In one of the dreams there was a white dog that looked like a husky or a malamut or some sort of Alaskan/Siberian breed. An elderly Asian man in the dream said that the dog's name was "Tzi-Chi" and that it was important that I learn how to pronounce the dog's name. Does anyone have any idea what the words "tzi-chi" may mean? It sounds Mandarin to me. I googled the term but nothing came up. A similar word, "Zi", comes up with the meaning "beautiful" and I know "chi" means "life force." Does this mean that I have a "beautiful life force?" Or that I don't have it and I have to strive towards that? Any insight would be helpful.

So I am trying to listen in all the ways the book's author suggest plus one of my own. I think, though, I need some help in interpreting what I hear.

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This chapter's key scripture verse is: "In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly." Psalm 5:3. And here is my visual response:

"Psalm Five:Three"
Photo Manipulation

ljgloyd (c) 2012