Photo Manipulations: "Sleeping Dryad" and "Fire Sprite"

Manipulation of Original Photography ljgloyd (c) 2012

All The World's a Stage

I went to one great big costume party yesterday.  Huzzah!

The Creative Call: The End

I have come to the end of the book and this personal Lenten practice. The last chapter is on simplifying one's life; that is, what is one willing to give up personally, materially, and financially to achieve the goal of being a writer or artist. What would I give up? Honestly: nothing at the moment.

This program has not brought me to the place I thought it would take me. I thought I would have my life suddenly break open and I would find myself on a truly productive creative path. In truth, I have not been writing every day. Sometimes I would pick up the pen and write just a sentence before giving up. The emotions on my heart were too heavy and bleak to commit to the harsh intensity of plain paper. Also, I managed to complete only one painting before realizing that my work is unsophisticated, naive, childish and most definitely "not good enough". (Didn't we cover that in chapter 3?).

I thought at the end of this program I would have engaged some more readers with my blog content. How arrogant of me. By attempting to be my own authentic self through my art and writing, I managed to scare off nearly all of my readers (according to my blog stats). The result is that I am now too embarrassed to announce any new postings. The only reason I am continuing to post at all is that I don't want the added humiliation of knowing that I did not complete something I started. I do have a shred of self-respect left.

As I dealt with the emotional crap churned up by the journaling, I managed to irk some of my real-life associates by saying things that needed to be said. This has made me realize I need to re-evaluate some of my relationships both on-line and off-line. If I cannot be truthful and authentic without pissing off people, then what is the authenticity of some of these relationships in the first place? Maybe "simplifying" my life means to eliminate some people and learn to be content with having fewer people in it.

I spent a lot of money on this endeavor. I bought a membership in an online artist association as well as acquiring several books on writing by favorite writers. The jury is still out as to whether any of these will prove to be useful.

Am I saying that this program was a failure? No. On the contrary, I believe I am right where I am supposed to be. The purpose of this as a Lenten practice was to dredge up the toxic crud that has settled in the bottom of my soul so it could be siphoned off and the waters begin to clear. I was foolish and naive to think that years of pain and disappointment would vanish in forty days. It may take the rest of my life for that fountain of pure water to spring up within me.

So where do I go from here? I will keep writing. I will keep arting. I keep ridding myself of all the emotional and spiritual toxicity that has silted up in me.

Easter is a few days away. Maybe I will catch the fire of the day and experience a resurrection of my own.

I can only hope and pray.

ljgloyd
Maundy Thursday, 2012


Image: Lotus in the mud from Morguefile.com

The Creative Call: Time Out for Me

The next chapter is on time management. It is pretty straightforward, and I have nothing to say other than I do waste a lot of time when I should be arting and writing.

I finished a painting earlier this week (see previous post), and then I ran out of steam. Furthermore, I haven't been journaling at all this week. I tried to do what the author encourages -- to sit down and write even when you don't have anything to say. I did that last night and wrote about a paragraph and then doodled on the page. I guess doodling is good. I recall reading somewhere that doodling is the mind working things out right before some wonderful creation is manifested. Let's hope. I would hate to think that this program was for nothing.

So let this blog post serve as my journaling practice for today. My hope is to read the final chapter of the book this week and finish it before Easter. That was my original goal, to read the book for Lent, and I think I might just accomplish that.

Painting: Sophia

Detail: "Sophia"

Mixed Media Painting, 18" x 24"

This is a detail from the first painting I have completed in quite sometimes (years, I think). This was done using Caran d'ache watercolor crayons, water soluble oil pastels, acrylic paints, watercolor pencils, gessos and ink pens. I used no model for the woman, just various photographic references.

ljgloyd (c) 2012

The Creative Call: Being Servants

Chapter 6 deals with the "meat and potatoes" of the creative's life. It is about productivity. The advice given there is not new: silence the critic, stop procrastinating, get over being afraid of failure (or success), create an environment conducive to your work. However, what is different here is the notion of being a "servant of the work". As servants of the work we need to get off our duffs and get to work, even if this means that we must schedule an appointment with ourselves to do so. The author points out that the Spirit requires us bring into existence the inspiration given to us. Even if we don't feel like working, or don't feel as if we have an idea to bring to life, we need to sit down and write or make art or whatever. Get working and everything will fall into place. We need to make our creative practice a top priority instead of something we do when we finish other things.

I found this to be true for myself this week. A number days ago I had the vaguest suggestion of an idea. I put it off for a few days until I forced myself to pull out a large piece of paper and prime it. The primed paper then sat on my studio table for several more days. Yesterday, I decided I needed to schedule the time to start the painting. I made the appointment for 8:00 last night. It is at the end of the day not because I did not think it was important. It is at the end of the day so I could start working and not have to stop myself to do something else. I could go as long as I needed.

I started with this sketch:



And then blocked out the major color areas. I worked for about two hours until I came to a convenient stopping place.



The image is now sitting up on my studio table. I have scheduled this evening again, at 8:00 to continue laying on the color and start on the detail work. I'll post the finished painting when I feel I have reached the end.


ljgloyd (c) 2010

Sapientia

"Sapientia, or Wisdom"

Photo manipulation

ljgloyd (c) 2012

Photo courtesy of Morguefile.com

The Creative Call: Inspiration

Getting inspired to create artistic products is the theme of chapter 5. The chapter explores the source of inspiration -- the Holy Spirit-- and how to access that inspiration: through giving up ourselves as the source of our own inspiration and relying upon the Spirit, through prayer, to achieve it. Sometime our creative blocks come from our trying too hard. Sometimes we just have to be patient and wait. And if we are open to what the Spirit has to offer, it will come.

Waiting for inspiration does not mean we sit around and take no action. We need to be attentive to the world and people around us. The Spirit will work through our experiences to bring us ideas and motivate us to act upon them. We need to do our "breathing exercises" as Elsheimer urges. We need to spend time out and about on a regular basis to "prime the pump." This would include not only getting out and experiencing the world, but also studying what other creatives have done that we would like to emulate. If you paint, study the great masters. If you write, study your favorite writer.

Also, we need to start thinking of ourselves as writers or artists or chefs or bellydancers... whatever mode our creative expression takes. When we do this, our eyes will open and we will start stumbling across the ideas the Spirit tosses in front of us.

Finally, the author makes the practical suggestion of carrying around a notebook or sketchbook to capture those observations or ideas as they occur or record those inspirational dreams that may wake us up. I leave you with this example: I have been thinking about one of my creative mentors, Hildegard von Bingen, a medieval woman who was an artist, theologian, musical composer, medicinal healer, and adviser to many powerful people in her world. I thought of a painting I might do of her and I put down this quick thumbnail to capture what flashed in my mind's eye. I may not act on this, but at least the seed of the idea is down on paper and on the way to fruition.

The Creative Call: On Forgiveness, Part 2 (Encouragers)

Part of letting go of the discouragement caused by others is to embrace the sources of our encouragement. Chapter 4 moves on to a discussion of how to recognize and value those individuals, or "heroes" as Elsheimer calls them. So, in response to an exercise in this chapter, I am listing some (not all) of those individuals who have been "encouraging voices" to me.

• Mrs. F., my 11th grade high school composition teacher, who was the first teacher who ever let us write on any topic we wanted. Yes, she taught us proper essay structures so we could write passable college papers, and she had readers who assisted her is correcting spelling and grammar, but aside from that, she was truly excited to read our essays. It was my first experience writing for a "responsive audience."
• My friend C.D. who gave me a t-shirt with the words emblazoned across my chest: "Be nice to me or you'll be a character in my next novel." With that simple gift, she affirmed my identity as a writer.
• Several of my closest relatives and friends who made space in their home for me to paint or who always have supportive things to say about my artwork.
• Mrs. W. from church who has tells me frequently "You are so talented!"
• Dr. T, one of my undergraduate history professors, who kicked my writing-butt during my senior year. He was not a cheerleader like the others, yet, I ended up with an A research paper for that course that later became the basis for my master's thesis.
• And then there is Heather and all the good folks at the Soul Food Cafe where, for over five years, we worked together to nourish each others' creative souls. Several of these people continue to be supportive as Facebook Friends.

If you will recall, a couple of posts ago, I stated that I would like some sort of creative mentor to help me in my growth as a writer and artist. Quite synchronicitously, I received an answer to that request. Last night I was watching a video-- totally unrelated to anything we are discussing here -- and the main speaker in this video presentation made the comment: "Mentors don't need to be living people." This line wafted straight out of the screen and hung in the middle of the ether in front of me with a giant pulsing neon finger pointing to it with my name attached. Don't you love it when you receive communications like that? I do.

So, who are some of these non-living people who have "mentored" me through their writing and art?

Charlotte Bronte
Hildegard von Bingen
Mary Cassatt
Madeleine L'Engle
Georgia O'Keefe
Frida Kahlo
Anne McCaffrey
Marion Zimmer Bradley

I am indebted to all of you!

The Creative Call: On Forgiveness

I am quickly moving on to Chapter 4 now on the topic of forgiveness. I could stay in chapter 3 longer as there are a number of exercises that I could do, but the chapter has left me in such a negative frame of mind, I need to get out of there, pronto. Instead, I think I am going move right into chapter 4 and write on it for of several days since I believe that a thorough understanding of this area is going to be vital in my recovery as a creative. It is not going to be easy for me to simply say, "yeah, some of you in my life are been pretty discouraging, but that's okay, I forgive you." No, I am going to have to carefully explore the nature of forgiveness in order to implement it.

The first thing Elsheimer addresses in this chapter is the exact definition of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not saying that the hurt we received was not really all that bad or that the person who did it may not have meant it. Forgiveness is realizing that no matter the reason or circumstances the fact is that others hurt us and that we need to let it go. Elsheimer writes this: "[Forgiveness] is the willingness to move past the offense and to refuse to entertain further thoughts about it. Forgiveness is not just something we grant another person. It is a gift we give ourselves." (Kindle Loc. 914).

So to the individuals who made the statements and actions I cited in the last post, I am letting those go and I am going to strive not to dwell on them any more. You are free, as am I.

Now, I don't harbor any illusions that I won't go back to those hurts. Forgiveness, for me, is going to be a process. I need to forgive, forgive, and forgive again. That may be the reason that in the Lord's Prayer his instruction to "forgive those who trespass against us" is coupled with the request to "give us this day our daily bread." Forgiveness is something we must grant on a daily basis.

Part of the process of forgiveness is to offer positive affirmation to ourselves (and others) when they hit us with negative thoughts. This is an exercise offered in this chapter. The directive is to provide an 'uppity" comeback for a number of discouraging remarks. Here's how I answered the remarks in the exercise (Kindle Loc. 960):

"Downer statement: 'Nobody will take your art seriously.'"
My answer: God and I both take my creative work seriously.

"Downer statement: 'You'll never make a living at your art.;"
My answer: Then I will pay my bills doing something else, but I am still going to make art and write whether I enjoy financial gain or not.

"Downer statement: 'You don't have enough talent to write or be an artist.'"
My answer: Says who? You? You did not create me; therefore, you have no say so about the amount or level of my talent.

So, that's a start. There are several other exercises in this chapter that I will complete in the upcoming days. If appropriate, I'll post them here.

My thanks to those who are following along with this.