This morning while on the way to work I stopped at a diner for a quick bite of breakfast and a cup of tea. When the cashier handed back my change I noticed that it was more than the amount I usually get back, so I mentioned it to her. She smiled and replied, "It's okay." Noticing my confusion, she printed out a receipt and pointed to the "Senior discount" she had given me. (I appreciate her tact in not saying this aloud for everyone in line to hear.) Let me assure you that I am nowhere near the standard recognized senior citizen age. Furthermore, this is not the first time that I have received unexpected senior discounts. However, all the other times I have received discounts I laughed it off and pegged it on the fact that the various clerks were teenagers and probably thought anyone over 30 was a senior. This morning, though, the cashier was closer to my age and for some reason her miscalculation bothered me.
Am I really old?
When I seated myself, I pulled out my compact mirror and gave myself a look. Yes, my hair is turning silver. I had stopped coloring my hair because of the expense and the maintenance. Yet, I started to wonder if maybe I should begin again to do that. Also, I had to concede that lately I don't move as fast or as far as I used to and that I often wake up with aches and pains that I did not have only a couple of years ago. Furthermore, lately I have started thinking more about retirement and if I am going to have enough money to live. Did I plan well enough all these years? My fear is that I will need to work until I'm 108 in order to survive -- provided that an old bat like me doesn't get laid off and not be able to find another job.
Yikes! No wonder people think I am old. I had the sudden revelation that I look old because I am acting and thinking I am old. This is an obvious and clichéd conclusion, I know, but it is a conclusion that everyone must come to on their own at some point. I just had my "aha" moment over a breakfast burrito this morning.
So, what am I going to do to break out of this thought pattern?
It is not news that the experts have said that to stave off the consequences of old age, one needs to engage in new and different activities. Since my habit has always been to explore new activities, I am already in a good place in that regard. (For example, I took up bellydancing when I turned 40). I just need to not talk myself out of trying new and different activities "because I'm too old."
Secondly, I need to stop focusing on all my aches and pains. I need to stop focusing on myself, period. I need to get out there and focus on others.
Next, when I start worrying about the future, I need to remind myself that Providence has never let me down in the past -- why should it now? Faith is a powerful weapon and the older I become, the more adept I become at wielding it.
In addition, I have to stop worrying that I might not have made the right decisions in the past regarding my future. What good will worrying do now? I am reminded of a line from the movie Under the Tuscan Sun where Katherine tells Frances that "regrets are a waste of time. They're the past crippling you in the present."
Finally, and probably most importantly, I have to get out of the insidious thought pattern that to be old is to be decrepit, useless, and sad. Good grief, no! I declare right now, on this day, that I will not be any of those things. I will be functional, generous, wise, faith-filled, and joyful. I think I will start right now by getting a tee-shirt that says, "I'm Embracing My Inner Crone and She's Ready for a Good Time."
When I really do get to senior citizen status, I will be one rockin' old broad. Wanna join me? I promise it will be a blast.
ljgloyd (c) 2011
Image: Morguefile . com
I can relate. I'm at the same life stage too. I agree that aging is a state of mind but only up to a point. Australia is a very agist society that impacts on my self esteem. Also my body is slowing down much as I will it to be otherwise.
ReplyDeleteFinding a lifestyle and attitude that is creative, vibrant and healthy is a real challenge. Much easier said than down. I'm still searching.
Good luck with it. I hope you keep writing such insightful posts. (From Suzanne in Australia)
Gal, you have the right attitude for your future as a rocking crone. I have been a senior citizen for so long now that I hardly remember been anything other. I promise that new worlds will open up to you and you'll find yourself appreciating all the beauty around you. You'll also find that speaking your mind is not such a bad thing to do. So go for it, Lori. It's a blast.
ReplyDeleteI love your post. I, too, am at a similar point in my life. I have absolutely refused to join AARP, as you can at 50, just because I'm not old yet! It seems like society is more and more ready to put people over 40 out to pasture, and I want none of it! (I do wish the aches and pains would go away, though.) But then the idea of being a "crone", a (hopefully) wise woman, a woman of experience, a woman in the stage of life after maiden and mother - now that does appeal to me.
ReplyDeleteI'm 57 and not ready to give up either! Where's that purple hat?
ReplyDeleteI love your comment about your inner crone. I so identify with your references to aches and pains, and redefining how you see aging. My 90 yr. old stepmother has helped me with that. She cut an album at 74 and is still performing at 90. I want to be just like her when I grow up! I do believe that aging is a state of mind.
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